Stop. Breathe mama. Breathe out your worries. Kiss their curls.
When each babe comes earthside everyone will tell you
“Remember these days. Breathe them in. Don’t wish them away just yet”
I’ve observed what rounds of motherhood I’ve thus far experienced with a tenacious grip on the passing days that consist of the most mundane moments.
As time moves on picking up speed like a rain flooded brook there are nearly tangible moments where time suspends itself with a word… a breath…blink In the evening light as we tried to shuffle ourselves out the door to explore the wilds near our home I turned and looked at Elias…sun streaked by window light illuminating mischievous fey blue eyes just as James said to me “Anna…his face…its changed. Today I think he turned four”
I’ve been warily aware of the strange sense of humor father time has these days. One moment my golden blonde babe is asleep against my chest twirling my own ringlets round his fingers… A blink and a nod and again I look and this gangly …boy…is standing before us. A boy. The remnants of his baby days are fading into his bones and leaving my own grasping at the previous chapters of his days trying to memorize every line until it replays again and again. A rewound home movie behind closed eyes.
“Mama its going to be oh-kay! I love you.”
Tears edge into my eyes without my realizing. Threatening to fall down my cheeks before I can collect myself. My Elias the brave. You wont yet turn into your fourth year for a few more weeks but your papa is right. Today you turned four. Time is running as swiftly as you now. Your papa and I are still young. Young enough to keep at your heels and sweep you up into our arms at the end of the day..keeping you our babe for just a few more moments….but today you stretched your limbs and outran us all.
You are made up of summers
Of honeysuckle air
Of caught fireflies
Mouth harp blues
Full moon rises
....the moments between moments...
Oh hear this
our winter song
whipping over the mountains
it settles into our bones
and tells us tales of winters past
Sometimes clients find you and you wonder where they have been your entire life and how you've got on at all before knowing them. Maggie contacted me nearly two years ago wanting me to travel up to shoot her and her family and I cried with excitement after talking about her and her babies (which I now affectionately refer to as faerie children) and passing ideas back and forth. Between births and moving and life going round about for both of us pushing things further and further back the day finally came for our forever anticipated meeting in person.
I am not exaggerating when I say that I got misty eyed with unabashed joy before I walked through the door. I sat and spoke with Maggie about motherhood and knitting and everything in between while I documented and knelt on the floor with their eldest child as I explained to him how to load film into the camera while he watched with unflinching fascination and ten thousand questions of how it worked. This family is a special sort of people and I prayed the day I walked in their door that I would be able to show their pure love and raw realness in its most absolute and perfect form.
A quick snippet of a surprise proposal and engagement session that at the end of the day had our cheeks and eyes sore from laughter. More to come soon...