ahead of time
When each babe comes earthside everyone will tell you
“Remember these days. Breathe them in. Don’t wish them away just yet”
I’ve observed what rounds of motherhood I’ve thus far experienced with a tenacious grip on the passing days that consist of the most mundane moments.
As time moves on picking up speed like a rain flooded brook there are nearly tangible moments where time suspends itself with a word… a breath…blink In the evening light as we tried to shuffle ourselves out the door to explore the wilds near our home I turned and looked at Elias…sun streaked by window light illuminating mischievous fey blue eyes just as James said to me “Anna…his face…its changed. Today I think he turned four”
I’ve been warily aware of the strange sense of humor father time has these days. One moment my golden blonde babe is asleep against my chest twirling my own ringlets round his fingers… A blink and a nod and again I look and this gangly …boy…is standing before us. A boy. The remnants of his baby days are fading into his bones and leaving my own grasping at the previous chapters of his days trying to memorize every line until it replays again and again. A rewound home movie behind closed eyes.
“Mama its going to be oh-kay! I love you.”
Tears edge into my eyes without my realizing. Threatening to fall down my cheeks before I can collect myself. My Elias the brave. You wont yet turn into your fourth year for a few more weeks but your papa is right. Today you turned four. Time is running as swiftly as you now. Your papa and I are still young. Young enough to keep at your heels and sweep you up into our arms at the end of the day..keeping you our babe for just a few more moments….but today you stretched your limbs and outran us all.